[Mageia-marketing] Installer texts

[Bradley D. Thornton]

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On 03/12/2012 03:37 AM, Patricia Fraser wrote:
> Hi folks,
> 
> I've taken Esteban's texts (thanks Esteban!), edited and added a bit;
> if everyone's happy with these, just pick what we need and go for it:
> 
> ----
> Mageia isn't just a Linux distribution: it's a community of users,
> developers and advocates from all around the world. Join us!
> 
> Free software means freedom to choose. Gear up your desktop with the
> elegant KDE, the revolutionary Gnome or the lightweight LXDE.

I just have a problem with the word *elegant* there before KDE. To me it
has a 'contrived' feeling, like putting a square peg in a round hole.
Perhaps some other adjective?

I also offered up a variant of this copy in my earlier post too. Give a
gander there and see if there's anything you might want to merge in or
juxtapose within.

I think we were both taken aback a little at the "If drawing is part of
your everyday job..." copy ;)

> 
> Mageia's Control Center gives you easy, accessible control over your
> computer - hardware, software and all kinds of setup, all in one place.

*all kinds of setup* - Either this doesn't seem grammatically correct or
it's just too colloquial.

'and all manner of preferred configuration[s], all in one [easy to
operate] place' ???


*Control* is used twice in the same sentance, maybe "...configuration of
your computer..." ???



> 
> For great 2D or 3D graphics, Mageia's standard packages help you create
> raster or vector graphics or 3D animations - and then there's video
> editing...

Daddy like ;) If anything, maybe consider s/great/outstanding ???

I like BIG adjectives LOL!

> 
> Write great documents, analyse your data and create great business
> presentations with the office suite LibreOffice.

*Great* is used twice in the same sentence. Check out the similar blurb
I offered up in the previous post for possible variations of this verbiage.

> 
> Browse the web, check your email, chat with your friends; Mageia
> includes all the applications you need.

hm... maybe something like, "...includes all of your favorite social
applications, right at your fingertips!", or "...includes all the social
applications..." or "...includes all the communications applications..."

And I dunno, but *need*.... hm... desire, want, are used to, demand, or
maybe...

"...includes all of the [social|communications] applications you're
already familiar with".

*need* doesn't quite have the oomph I want to feel there.

> 
> Code, compile, debug and package - Mageia puts all the development
> applications and tools at your fingertips.

Fantastic :) or mabye something like "...puts an entire universe of
development...", or, "...a complete universe of...", etc.

Anyway, I hope that helps!

Kindest regards,


- -- 
Bradley D. Thornton
Manager Network Services
NorthTech Computer
TEL: +1.310.388.9469  (US)
TEL: +44.203.318.2755 (UK)
TEL: +41.43.508.05.10 (CH)
http://NorthTech.US

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