[Mageia-discuss] Cultural difference: "Let your yes be yes" <---> "It is rude to say no"

Fri Jul 13 04:47:29 CEST 2012

Marja van Waes a écrit :
+> On 12/07/2012 21:06, Johnny A. Solbu wrote:
+>> On Thursday 12 July 2012 18:20, Marja van Waes wrote:
+>>> Now that is hard, when you grow up in a "no is rude" area and then move
+>>> to "Holland". You continue to say "yes", because saying "no" feels like
+>>> a major sin, but now you're expected to *do* all those thing you said
+>>> you'd do. :-(
+>>
+>> But ofcorse you're expected to keep your promisses. If you know that 
+>> you ain't goint to, or can't do it, why on earth do you promise to do 
+>> it in the first place?
+>
+> Excactly, that is what I thought, because I picked that up very fast. 
+> So what I got into, was that I said yes and did yes, even if I 
+> couldn't. So it could happen that I was doing the 100% tasks of 3 
+> persons at the same time. No, that didn't go well.. one time I was 
+> continually answering the phone and the doorbell for an organisation, 
+> cooking for 35 people at the same time and looking after two very 
+> young children who were in a room that was dangerous to very young 
+> children. At one point I answered the phone and couldn't make words 
+> any more, what I said were senseless sounds
+
+Yes, that I can believe of Marja ;)
+(Which reminds me, my dutch aunt was a bit like that.  She was always 
+hosting the family reunions, spending all her time taking care of 
+everyone else.)
+>
+> It took very many years before I learnt that saying "no" isn't the 
+> very evil thing I thought it was.
+>
+> The reason I started this thread, is that I sometimes have the 
+> impression that we have some contributors in Mageia, who haven't 
+> really learnt to say "no" or "it is ready when it is ready"
+>
+> Instead of telling them they are liars, I hope we'll have more 
+> compassion on them.
+> I hope we'll ask: "Hey, what happened? Were you ill? Did you have too 
+> much to do for your day time job? You said you'd finish this task 
+> before last week and it still isn't finished"
+>
+Or just be more realistic.
+Don't forget that often people will say yes because they would like to 
+do something, without seriously considering the various demands on their 
+time.  They think it is a good idea, and they want to contribute.  (I 
+tend to be somewhat like that.)
+So it is not only people saying "yes" when they mean "no".
+And once they have said "yes", like almost everyone, they find it more 
+difficult to say "no" later on.  After all, they still think it is 
+something that should be done.
+
+So using the concept of "lying", those accusing others of "lying" could 
+be seen as largely stretching the truth.  (Or simply being blind to 
+reality.)
+
+-- 
+André
+
+